Discussions and Arguments

I've been going through some rough times with people up here in New York. I like to think that when I disagree with someone, I back up and try to see things from their perspective, and listen to what they have to say so we can reach some sort of agreement for the future. I try to do that. I know I don't always.

Tonight is a prime example--I started snapping at someone and getting very angry with them and raising my voice because I felt they were not listening to what I said and not taking in the whole picture. I haven't been feeling myself lately, for a month at least I feel like I've been bending who I am for others, and not doing things that I enjoy doing. Starting this weekend after a wonderful retreat up here, I stopped using my cell phone as a cell phone and returned to using it as a house phone--basically, I use it when I have a lot of free time, or when I need to for work or an organization. The exception is talking to my parents or close friends from home. Tonight, I went to a park and really enjoyed myself. I was met with harsh words when I returned phone calls later, and it seemed to me that the antagonist was simply looking for things to argue about and not attempting in the least to understand how dissociated I've felt of late. In turn, I found myself not trying to understand the other's viewpoint.

I feel strongly that to resolve any conflict or disagreement, both sides must concede some points. It is unfair and unhealthy for one person to give up their stance completely, and just adopt the other's point of view. Problems should be solved after time has passed so both parties can have time to cool down. Problems should be discussed in level voices, with courtesy and respect for the other, allowing each person to finish their sentence and nonverbally or verbally signal for the other to speak. They should not often speak long, but rather do short thoughts so neither person is dominating the conversation. There should be no name-calling, no blaming, no saying "you did this! and this! it's all you!", but rather concede that both parties are to blame to some degree. I also quite dislike when someone brings up the far past. Those issues should have been resolved by now; you don't sit on them just to bring them up months down the road. Address issues as they arise, people. Brewing over something important is just ridiculous; how does that help anything? Yeah, it avoids confrontation, but you can resolve things without yelling and screaming. Do try to be adults.